my soul wont recognize me after tonight
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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