I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's like heaven, but drunker
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
