the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my sisters under your porch take her home
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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