There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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