saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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