I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
