shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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