You're completely useless in the revolution.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
