just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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