Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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