I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
