I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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