Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
