No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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