Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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