Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
