my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
