watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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