So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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