did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
