So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
