Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
barbara walters just said penis...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
sex in a hospital.. check
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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