I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
A bitchslap is in order.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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