I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
