i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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