Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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