It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
