You're completely useless in the revolution.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think people are normalizing furries
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
