after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
