Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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