Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
