In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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