the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
