The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
