Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
