All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
