Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
