I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
