I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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