I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket