Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on