Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
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Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"