If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.