I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.