Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.