I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
