Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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