Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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