I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
