i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
