beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
