I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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