1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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