I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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