have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
