We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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