i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
