At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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