I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Girls should come with a carfax report
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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