If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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