I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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