STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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