I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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