Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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