my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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