Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
