Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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