Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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