So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
