I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
