I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
