Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
